My journey, an AA twelve step, more resistant than heroic, had a crossroad that to me could only be miraculous. I had done everything in recovery my way, but somehow up to nine months I had abstained from using. The advice from many meetings and recovery was no major changes in the first year, work the steps and don’t drink, go to meetings. I pretty much just did the latter.
I had just completed my fourth step, (remember nine months) and had received approval for transfer from Nashville, Tn. to Cheyenne, Wy. With the U.S.G.S., (remember no major changes). I anxiously prepared for my impending cowboy experience when I got a call from my sister, five years into recovery herself, who gave me a list of contacts to call when I arrived in Cheyenne, how she knew anyone in Wyoming was a mystery to me, but I jotted down the numbers and promised to call as soon as I settled in.
This would be the first time in my adult life that I had ever flown sober; it had been a ritual to knock down a few before I entered the Airport and then have a couple as we got underway. I found my seat by the window, got a magazine out of the seatback and tried desperately to act comfortable…as my hands shook like a man in his final steps to the gallows, just then a middle aged woman takes the seat next to mine, introduces herself as Ms. Donna, a “born again” Christian… Jesus, this is going to be a long flight.
I held the armrest tightly as the jet accelerated down the runway. Ms. Donna noticed the death grip and put her hand on mine and said, it’s ok, just “let go and let God”, hmmmm, I have heard that before. Moments past as she spoke about God’s grace in her life, how she maintained a conscious contact and lived her life “one day at a time”…jeez, where did that come from. What should have been a two hour flight seemed inexplicably shortened, we were descending into Denver and I wasn’t finished listening to my airborne angel.
Once I found the Motel in Cheyenne, conveniently located on West Lincolnway, the U.S.G.S. office was 5600 East Lincolnway, I secured my stuff, fourth step locked tight in my attaché case, away from prying eyes who might discover dark secrets from my past, I unpacked, checked the city map and made the call my sister had directed me to do. First call, disconnected, second call, not living here anymore, third and final number…Jack answers, What can I help you with? I was told to ask where I could get a meeting; I just arrived from Nashville, Tn. and will be here for a week. Oh yeah, you must be Jackie J’s brother, no problem man, there’s a meeting tonight, 5601 East Lincolnway, I’ll meet you there at 8:00.
Up to now I have chalked this all up to a series of coincidences, but as I pull up to the meeting place…I notice it is a large Methodist Church, right across the street from the U.S.G.S. office I am supposed to check in at tomorrow morning…again, hmmmm.
A few people mull around outside, Jack pulls up, gets out of his car and walks directly up to me, welcome to the Happy destiny group, we meet every night at 8:00, but while you’re here in Cheyenne I’ll show you around, nuttin’ wrong with a little variety in your sobriety! Ok Jack sounds good to me, let’s go in and see what sobriety is like in cowboy land.
Jack introduces me to everyone there, not a huge feat, only six people, the meeting opens with the usual serenity prayer, the Chair then asked for a topic and this hard, ruddy, seventy year old Clint Eastwood lookalike speaks up and starts sharing his fifth step…Whoa Doggie!!! This is supposed to be private info. I am shocked, embarrassed to almost cringing at the details of this manly man’s account of childhood abuse, damaged relationships, violence, jails, institutions and misery, he is mercifully finishing up when he says, you know this is still difficult to say, but every time I do it, it loses some of it’s power in my life and it always seems to help others continue on with their journey through the steps…of course he is looking at me, fourth step locked securely away in my motel room, I am awed by this feeling of connection, knowing, none of what has happened is coincidence.
When I arrived back home that Friday night, I meet up with a friend in recovery, we shared our fifth steps with each other. I am grateful for my new found inspiration, there is no turning back, what was an obstacle is now the catalyst, There are no mistakes in God’s world, only lessons and blessings.
